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Education

Published on October 9th, 2017 | by Flipside

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University of Edinburgh Finally Tops a University Ranking

Following the announcement that the University of Edinburgh has the lowest acceptance rate of black students in the UK, the university has been celebrating the fact that it’s topped a university table for the first time in its 435-year history.

Speaking to Flipside, University spokesperson for Exclusion Jim Crowdowski said that the moment that the table came out “staff were crying over potentially the university’s proudest moment in living memory”.

When Flipside asked Crowdowski whether the university should be concerned about the lack of engagement and the lack of access to education for students from ethnic-minority backgrounds, he said “Nope, we’re the top now. We should be pleased about that. We usually have to wait for another university to burn down before we move up a place (Cheers Glasgow College of Art). This can only be classified as a divine miracle”.

When asked to comment on the University’s response to these findings, EUSA BME Convenor Diva Mukherji just responded with a simple “scream into the abyss”

Flipside spoke to average Edinburgh student Kurt Caucasianman, who commented “I don’t know any black students myself, but I like to think that I’m well connected with black-British culture. I love grimey music with artists like Stromie and I always wear my dreadlocks when it’s sunny out.”

Flipside tries to remain impartial, but this reporter hopes that Kurt gets hit by a bus.

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