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Commentary

Published on January 13th, 2017 | by Flipside

0

University Sports Union President Already Broken New Years’ Resolution, So You Can Peacefully Too

 

Robin Drummond, the Edinburgh University Sports Union President, has already broken his New Years’ resolution of getting fit and making use of his gym membership.

Drummond said, ‘I’m a fraud. I’ve never really told anyone before but I bloody hate exercise. Almost as much as I hate those who bang on about it.’

‘I’ve never once used the facilities here at Pleasance for anything other than showering and visiting the little boys’ room. But I thought I should probably get in the spirit of the job and start to do something, so I got a membership sorted at the end of last year. It cost a fortune as well. I’ve so far been here once and that was because I needed some Lucozade from the vending machine. I had been a total state in Hive the night before. Woke up face down in a kebab. At least I think that’s what it was….’

Asked how he was able to attain the position when so unenthused and unqualified, Drummond replied, ‘Two reasons. Firstly, throughout Uni I snuck in to the gym every morning to use the showers. I never sorted out the gas and electricity in my flat you see. And I only like a cold shower when I’m trying to calm down cause I’m feeling a bit…well…y’know….’

‘Secondly, I’m a big fan of Sports Direct. So I would always shop there and wear their gear. So people assumed I was either having a wash after working out or on my way to working out. Once that happened getting elected was easy!’

Drummond then finished, ‘Actually speaking of Sports Direct, I’d really like to work for them after all this. In management of course. I love their giant mugs and other various forms of inappropriate memorabilia!’

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