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Published on March 6th, 2018 | by Flipside

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UPDATE: Sam Nunberg Still Won’t Get Off My Lawn

WASHINGTON – After a long night of Bacardi Hurricanes and press appearances, former Trump Aide Sam Nunberg is still passed out on my front lawn. Mr. Nunberg, who recently gained public notoriety for his refusal to appear before a Grand Jury, showed up on my front porch last night screaming,’The Uber is waiting! Come on! It’s Malibu Mondays at Applebees!’ Shortly afterward he appeared on CNN to defend his actions/ hit on Erin Burnett.

It was then afterwards Mr. Nunberg returned to my home, drank my scotch, vomited on my daughter’s bedspread then tried to mop it up with the cat.

While dragging Mr. Nunberg off of my staircase he awoke for a moment of self-reflection and yelled, ‘Do you think Andy Cooper could tell I’d had a few?’  Later while dragging him onto the grass he began murmuring, ‘Papa Stone will be mad, please papa Stone, don’t be mad.’

If someone would please collect Mr. Nunberg that would be appreciated, there are police here for  him regarding an unrelated incident with ‘fraud.’ 

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