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Published on December 1st, 2016 | by Flipside

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‘Warm Milk and Carpet Time’ Proposed at EUSA Council Meeting

 

A motion to introduce a ‘milk and carpet time’ at the main library from 4pm to 5pm every day has been proposed at student council.

According to the motion, ‘milk and carpet time’ will see all work in the library halted for one hour every afternoon, whilst play-doh and sand are brought out for students to play with.

A 330ml cartoon of milk will then be served to every student whilst Vice President Academic Affairs Patrick Garratt reads a nursery rhyme over the announcement system in a broad, reassuring Manchester accent, to calm everyone’s nerves.

The motion has been proposed by the greatest student think-tank ever to be created, the Buchanan Institute.

Proposing the motion, a speaker for the institute said: “We did a peer-reviewed, placebo controlled, double blind study with eight students and none of them thought it was a bad idea.

“There is overwhelming evidence that this will solve Edinburgh’s student satisfaction problems.”

A speaker against the motion said: “We should spend this money on the NHS instead.”

They received a rapturous applause, which slowly transformed into jazz hands after a few nervous moments for everyone.

Students are due to vote online this week.

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