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Published on September 17th, 2017 | by Flipside

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Esme Allman Still Putting Up With This Bullshit

EDINBURGH – As professional journalists continue misreporting basic facts, Edinburgh Student / Resident Hero Esme Allman still has time for this bullshit. Five months after Bargain Bin Breitbart Editor [Robbie Travers] first harassed the BME convener, the University of Edinburgh has maintained its policy of doing fuckall to protect its students. Meanwhile Travers exploited the illiteracy of the far-right and began a smear campaign against Esme that she really does not have time for. Despite these grievances, Esme Allman is still handling the situation with grace and dignity not seen on campus since… oh god.

We reached out to Esme for a comment to which she replied, ‘I am literally on my year abroad.’

We also reached out to Mr. Travers, the Shrieking Political Pond Scum, for his views on the issue. Over coffee he mumbled without ever making eye contact. His statement to Flipside was, ‘free speech [intelligible], radical islam, [drooling], feminazis, [intelligible]’  During the interview he desperately carved ‘Help me’ into the wood of the table with his long and bloodied fingernails. Two minutes after we left the coffeeshop he published five paragraphs of text on facebook about how he was defending the free press who were also ‘leftists poisoning the public’s perception of him.’

When we pressed the Times for a comment on their dearth of journalistic ethics, they mailed us a Cease-and-Desist Letter and a pigeon corpse.

Despite these transgressions, Esme Allman is still rising above the sea of bullshit, a beacon of something better than what has become the disappointing moral standard for our University.

-Bob Batson

photo credit : someone

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