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Published on February 26th, 2018 | by Flipside

0

We Have No Money For Pensions: Says 400K Salaried Principle…

The Edinburg University Principle, Mr Rich Old-Whiteman, has recently weighed into the debate over strikes and pensions by saying we have no money for them, due to his massive salary.

He commented:

“Look, I have a huge salary. It is massive, have you seen my car, it’s fucking great. But basically, us spending money on this and digging loads of shit up all the time means we simply don’t have the money to be spending on staff pensions. So, they shouldn’t strike and should probably just accept what is given to them in life. Do I feel totally comfortable getting so much money for doing a job which no one really understands the point of? No! But I take it anyway, because that is the right thing to do.”

Flipside can confirm that when further pressed on the issue, Old-Whiteman said that the money for pensions was actually upstairs in his office. We then heard hurried footsteps and what sounded like a man sliding down a drainpipe followed by the starting of a car engine and screeching tires. Old-Whiteman did not return and our reporter got sleepy.

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