Published on May 15th, 2017 | by Flipside0
New VP of Welfare Esther Dominy a secret Northerner
In a shocking revelation, it has been revealed that incoming Vice President of Welfare Esther Dominy is actually from the North. This now means that there are more Northerners than Scottish people in EUSA Sabbatical roles by a ratio of 2:0.
Speaking exclusively to Flipside, VP of Welfare Esther Dominy said: “I don’t understand why people are shocked by this. I’ve always been open about my roots and my love of Northern funk and groove. Is it because you assume all Northerners are Geordies? You fucking racists. I’ll bottle you for that one”.
While Flipside understands that incoming Vice President of Education Bobi Archer is a certified Northerner, sources indicate that she’s known to wear pink trousers from time to time, which significantly reduces her Northern credentials.
EUSA Diversity Officer Sarah Brown reacted enthusiastically to this news. “Although we didn’t know about this beforehand, we could not be more excited by the news. Last year we passed a major milestone by electing a proud Northerner in Patrick Garratt VPAA and we didn’t think that we would be able to reach such levels of diversity ever again. However, this is the first time in EUSA’s history that we’ve elected two people from a place north of Watford. You’ve heard it here first guys, EUSA just solved racism!”.
Although there were concerns about whether incoming President Patrick ‘Theresa May’ Kilduff would be included in EUSA’s count of Northerners, it was decided that since his principal residency is part of a tax haven in Belgium he hadn’t spent enough time in the North to qualify.
When Flipside asked a passing History of Art student his opinions on this news he simply said: “I don’t get it, I thought everyone was from North London?”.