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Commentary

Published on April 15th, 2016 | by Flipside

0

What Your Library Floor Says About You

They say you can’t judge a book by its cover, but you can most definitely judge a student by which floor they choose in the Main Library.

Ground Floor: You are a social butterfly. Work ain’t really your thang, so to convince yourself you’re working, you hang out on the ground floor. You stand around the main entrance getting in people’s ways. You chill in the café and occasionally buy an atrocious coffee. You smoke outside, glancing around until you bump into yet another fucking person you maybe kinda know. If you do work, you’ll get a group together, grab a pod, and chat loudly while doing the absolute minimum of work. You are probably in first year. You are the worst.

First Floor: You came here to work, but you intend to put in the absolute minimum effort. You stumble up one flight of stairs (or take the lift if you’re a proper twat) and lumber around until you find any available seat. You have done this every day for three years, because why change a good thing?

Second Floor: You have absolutely no regard for your wellbeing or anyone else’s, so you choose the most stuffy, cramped, unpleasant floor in the whole goddam building. You tell yourself that’s where all the books you need are, but no mere convenience is worth this stifling, insufferable hell-hole. You are morally bankrupt and probably have no feelings.

Third Floor: You are vanilla. You are the plain doughnut in the variety 12-pack. You have sailed through life never really having been decisive about anything. Second floor felt a bit meh, fourth floor was a trek, so you settled for third, and yeah…it’s ok. Just like you, buddy. You’re fine.

Fourth Floor: Now we’re talking. You are adventurous, you have a pioneer spirit and a penchant for nature, and you’re working on a project about the many different urine vessels of the Ottoman Empire. It’s fascinating, but frankly you’d rather be running round the meadows that you survey from your spacious, well-lit desk.

Fifth Floor: Heaven. The enlightened realm. Where good students go to die (/write their dissertation, it’s basically the same thing). This airy, open-plan tranquil paradise, desk-heavy, book-light and with glorious panoramic views of the city, is where people come to work. Pure and simple. People are known to spend days on end here, never eating or talking – just working.

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