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Politics

Published on September 18th, 2015 | by Flipside

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Where are they now: Scottish Independence Referendum 2014.

One year after the 2014 Scottish Independence Referendum, (now), we ask where are the main players today (now)? So where are they (now)?

Alex Salmond.

Alex Salmond is now working for a London banking firm and says he is enjoying life.

“I am enjoying life”, he said (see we told you), “The bank had to spend the first half of the year teaching me that money is actually something which is important, but once I understood that it was easy really. Just like politics, no morals and all lies. Part of me wanted to open up a cashmere shop on the Royal Mile, I feel like I haven’t done enough for making gains out of cheap Scottish Cultural plays. But London is pretty great, well better than Scotland.”

Alistair Darling:

Mr Darling has started a Badger conservation charity, and an eyebrow appreciation society. Both are going well.

“Looking back on the referendum, I can see now that what really won it for us, no, no it wasn’t Gordon’s speech, and it was my eye brows. They are bloody fantastic, good from them, and in fairness, how can you disagree with eyebrows like me, statistically speaking around 45% of people can, but the rest are helpless.”

Nicola Sturgeon:

Nicola is now running a small protest group called the SNP, they don’t do much, but they like to shout and have some very talented young speakers. It is all rather sweet really.

“Now, everyone knows that the point of the SNP isn’t to achieve anything, it is to make as much noise as possible. Who needs an actual fire when you can just have a big smoke machine? We have actually bought a smoke machine for the next time we visit Westminster on one of our day trips.”

Ed Miliband:

Ed, ohh Ed, Ed has struggled to find work since the 2015 Election, and has been forced to work as a disfigured wax model in the Wallace and Gromit Museum.

We did ask Ed for a comment, but just as it was when he was Labour Leader, he was too committed to his work to actually talk about it.

David Cameron:

Cameron today is part of a shady and possibly morally bankrupt organisation called the Conservative Party, which he leads.

When we asked Cameron for a comment, his PR team explained he was too busy helping poor people get rid of their money and possessions and would have to get back to us later.

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