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Politics

Published on January 8th, 2016 | by Flipside

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Corbyn: Everyday we’re shufflin’

Following the Shadow Cabinet reshuffle, Jeremy Corbyn has announced that in order to increase democratic transparency within the party, all future reshuffles will be conducted through a game of musical chairs.

During the game, all 239 Labour MPs, except for Jeremy Corbyn and Tom Watson will walk around a circle of 30 chairs while the Red Flag is blared out from a vintage 1983 record player. When the music stops, MPs must grab the seat nearest to them which will have the details of their new position.

However, following recent criticism aimed at Corbyn over the lack of women in his shadow cabinet, at least 2 out of the 30 seats will be reserved for women in an attempt to ensure gender balance. Upon insistence from former Deputy Leader Harriet Harmen, both of these chairs will be bright magenta.

Included in his statement about the rules change, Jeremy Corbyn announced that RedFoo will take a place as Director of Strategy and Communications. He replaces Seamus Milne, who has been sent to a Labour camp in Northern China after this week’s botched reshuffle, with one senior MP complaining “You would’ve thought a Stalinist would be pretty decent at organising a purge”.

Speaking to Flipside, Corbyn said “Today is a momentous day for the Labour Party. Today is the day where we ditch the slogan ‘New, kinder politics’ and replace it with the new slogan of New Old Labour: ‘Everyday we’re shufflin’. This slogan will instil fear in our enemies and will allow us to conquer all that may oppose us. And once we deal with them, we can start figuring out how to beat the Tories in the next general election.”

David Cameron was unavailable for comment as he is still recovering from his surgery to install tear ducts. However, George Osborne and Theresa May were more than happy to prep themselves for the Conservative Party leadership contest by releasing the attack dogs on our Flipside reporter.

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