Published on January 12th, 2016 | by Flipside0
World About To Get A Lot More Freaky As Bowie Introduces God To Hard Drugs.
Breaking News: After just one day in Heaven David Bowie has begun to shake things up, bringing boogie and star dust to The Big Man’s Cloud Palace. After remarking that Heaven seemed “far out”, Bowie whipped out a guitar and started jamming with the young and impressionable J.C.
Upon hearing the commotion, God came downstairs, still in his cloud slippers, and angrily enquired as to what the noise was about. Bowie quickly handed him some magic powder and told him to sniff it. After inhaling a vast amount of cocaine God is now freaking out, and despite Bowie’s best attempts to calm him down, he simply won’t realise that the voices in his head are just prayers.
Warnings of a biblical nature have been issued by the Angel Met Office, with a 60% of an outbreak of demonic spirits and a 40% chance of the apocalypse, things could be about to get weird for us here on Earth.
Bowie has also inspired a new series of looks among the angles, with many painting red lightning bolts onto their faces. Much to the annoyance of the famously reserved and dull Gabriel.
It may be chaos, but it sounds like existence is about to get a whole lot more interesting. Thanks Bowie, you are the best. Also apparently goblins can get into Heaven now…..