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Politics

Published on November 4th, 2015 | by Flipside

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Scottish Labour to merge with Scottish Greens, nothing changes

Following Scottish Labour’s conference this weekend, where they passed a series of motions such as opposition to Trident and TTIP, Flipside can exclusively reveal that Scottish Labour has decided to join with the Scottish Greens to provide a united coalition of political solidarity.

Speaking to Flipside Kezia Dugdale and Patrick Harvie spelled out their vision for the party, with Harvie suggesting that their land reform promise to turn all private land into one large people’s allotment was the type of nationalisation they could both agree on.

On discussing what this new party would be called, Dugdale offered this explanation: “Well, we had lots of discussions about what the name would be. We thought that as Scottish Labour is the bigger party, we should have the first say over the name, so we decided to take the ‘Scottish’ bit from our party and the ‘Greens’ from the Scottish Greens.

“From this point on, Scottish Labour shall now be known as the Scottish Greens, and the Scottish Greens shall be called ‘The Scottish Greens’. This united party throws ambiguity to the side in demonstrating who and what we stand for” said Dugdale.

When asked who would be leader, both Dugdale and Harvie shrugged, admitting that “We’ll both be out of the job by May anyway so it doesn’t really matter”.

Attempts to get a statement from Bute House, the First Minister’s residence, was met with a cacophony of laughter after Flipside informed them of the situation. Scottish Conservative leader Ruth Davison was slightly more congratulatory, saying that “Scottish Labour and Greens have done the one thing that people thought impossible, making the Tories popular in Scotland again”.

However, despite scepticism from rival parties, University of Edinburgh students reacted with surprising enthusiasm, with Anastasia Dominy-Hughes saying “Part of the university experience is to do absolutely pointless and worthless things. Voting for a group like the Scottish Greens is the political equivalent of my philosophy degree”.

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