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Commentary

Published on January 26th, 2017 | by Flipside

0

‘You Don’t Know the Meaning of the Word Torture’ Thinks Melania Trump

 

Melania Trump’s thought process has responded to Donald Trump’s assertion that torture ‘absolutely works.’

After an eye roll so violent she almost detached her retinas the First Lady embarked on an hour-long inner monologue against her husband whilst attempting to undo her angst on an orange punching bag she keeps in the basement.

Trump thought, ‘Torture? TORTURE?!!!! Try being married to YOU for 11 years fucking years. Then you’ll understand what torture is. You couldn’t even spell the word you illiterate orangutan! I speak six languages! You can’t even construct a sentence without using the word the word ‘terrific’ and repeating yourself so you think you have more to say. And it’s always about yourself of course. Waving your shrunken hands around and pursing your lips like a prick. God I hate you. That inauguration was a chore, those are hours I’ll never get back! I genuinely hope the real reason you think there were a million people there is because your eyesight is starting to fail. Then I can start leaving obstacles lying around that you trip up on and fall flat on your stupid misogynist, xenophobic face. And that’s another thing! Anti-immigrant? I’m a fuckin’ immigrant you tool. The only saving grace that day was the Obamas. So nice. I think I’ll even take them up on the offer to stay at theirs’ when the day finally comes that I take you to the fucking cleaners.

As she was leaving the basement with a fake smile plastered on her face the First Lady added, ‘I’d best make a bulk order of punch bags. I don’t think that one will last the week at this rate.’

#freemelania

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